12 August 2015
After doing great on moving on for few weeks, here am I again. I'm might not doing well, I'm trying to rush thing up. Even though I know that's not gonna help. Just have do it.
I love the way I'm. I love being my self, the real me. Like they say, you can't please every one, but I'm trying very hard make every happy and love to be with me. Some time I lost my self there and I didn't realise, people who hang around me is because who I'm actually are, not the one I fake out to please every one.
Every one keep telling me If he really Love you that much and stick with his promise, then why he left? Even at the end he came back to you again, he might not be the one you know or as you thought any more. Is sad to say you guys in love but couldn't works thing out, but lucky you not settling with some one not suit you well. I agree, but is just another way to look at it.
I didn't do my best to be with you, I failed in being in love is love every thing about him/her. If you say you left because of I wanted to try some thing out with the other person, then you not meant what you say which is you will be there for me no matter how. Or is it I misunderstood that promise? You did be there for me no matter how, but not as a lover, as friend. You would like to likes/love some others person.
Originally writing this is to tell you how I felt. Should I? Why not? You not even care or will change any thing.
Saying too much good bye, again and again, but have I let you go? No, you still in my heart, the one love me still. Not the one living in present. I wanted to say Thank you for the past, it did have lots of good one. I have to live with them, not you. I'm lucky enough to have you in my past. All the great things you have done for me as your lover, partner, best friend or even can say soulmate. For many years, we be working thing for our future and looking forward for it. Now is won't come true and we didn't foresee it. At least, I didn't see it coming. Like you say, most important decision never been easy and I look down on the decision how much it will cost me.
I'm afraid to know the answer that she say yes to you. Afraid of your msg saying I won't be with you any more. If you not telling me what's happen now is to protect me or don't want to hurts me more, have you ever thought of by do that it hurts me more while I still guess and hope that I still have possibility to be with you again? I can do much more better than last time. I'm different and changed, just like you. But is it the person you wanted or I want to be with?
Keep tracking and look for signs of her presence around you, including are you spending nights with her? Have she visited the place we spend time together or even is she experiencing what I had last time? I become paranoid and suspicious. All because of loving you. Others saying why you want to make you self like that while he enjoying and happy with another person. Why don't you give your blessing and hope he live happily. My answer is: I want he happy when he be with me, I want be the best one and the last in his life, I want to do my best to works thing out. As the article, I'm competitive person, won't give up, keep looking what's the problem and want to fix it. Never realise, Love will disappear and gone before I know.
I wanted to stay and wait for you, wanted to say I will be here when you look back. I know I deserve better, you found some one have more sync moment with you. But still, I can't give up until I do. I love you more now when you love me no more. Not in time with you is some thing I can't fix or overcome. If I told you this, the answer you will give me is: is ok, forget it. Just leave me, if not because of her, I might be want to be with you again, but for now is NO.
Thanks for keeping me in the house, let me have a place to sleep and shelter. I know you want me to be all ok, can live by own. I'm telling you, I will and will do good thing, spreading great vibes and live happy. With or without you, life goes on. If we meant to be together, I will see you again.
With Love,
Jo - your only Princess once upon
p/s: Thanks for pick up Josephine as my English nick name.
