Why Now, Why Not.

28 Nov 2015 11am

Instincts or hormones I'm not sure. Keep emo this few days. Then all sudden, the ring come to my mind. 

One year ago, the same day. I woke up and saw a ring next to my bedside. That time, we sleep separate room already. 

At that time, it was a different me. I'm surprise and ask why now. I wasn't ready after the whole heart breaking moment. Was flirting and enjoying others chase after me. I lost my self back then in my own egoness and blinded. 

Now recall, if that was your proposal why you tell me that's the engagement ring if we got back together, otherwise it will be a gift for me. As a partner for life, aren't you suppose to wake me up from the blindness or foolish, do all you can to save me from making mistake if you think you are the one for me. Do what ever it takes. You not even ask the question then you quit because you think you can't fight over him.  

Any way, past is past. No experience or lesson come easy. Always a price to pay, cost to bare. The only different is how much u pay, how high is the cost is. 

365 days passed, I learnt my lesson, paid the cost and you turn your back to me, go after her. When all I want to say is why not, yes I do.  

Too late and no point saying it. I hurt you, I love you. You hurt me even more? I don't know. All I know is I love you still, how to let go when I love you so deeply even that's wrong. 

Being honest, straight forward some time is not a good thing. Need to learn to filter things. Apply on your own life and work place. They both related, and effects how you live your life. 

Chin up, and look forward. Keep this in mind. Good people and good vibes everywhere, depends on you to notice them.  

Better Me?

22/11/2015 10pm

I'm trying hard to keep improve, keep learning and keep evolving. I'm lost am I doing it correctly to be a better person. 

I don't like people around me or the one who care me the most get hurts or get bad vibes. It hurts me and upset me as well. 

Why thing just so hard, some one call them that's life. 

Life can be simple, easy, happy and enjoyable. Is us make it complicated, difficult, depress and lost by trying so hard to archive higher aim, better goals. 

After the break up, the come back, the drama about admire(s), the decision making. Life gave me an expensive lesson. Took me so much to experience and still working hard to get through it. I have to do it all by self. When I try to get help or relies on some body, people get hurts. 

I don't know what to do beside just do what I can, keep going and moving forward. Know nothing about my future, am I doing the right thing now creating or planting the right seed. I only can the my best, do thing with no regrets. 

I'm tired fighting alone some time but at the same time I think is better for me to do this all alone. 

I have to be grateful this is not the worst, some others actually having more tougher time than me. All the best for all of you. Thing will be in place when the times come. Hang in there. 

Lots of Love and good vibes for you. Bless you. 

纪念日

9/11/2015 11.59pm

过了今天，一切都应该过去了。

搬家了，离开了，该放下了。

每个人都告诉我，他不会回头，过去的不会再回来。

自己却舍不得。我爱你，很爱你，很爱很爱你。

却无法坦白。就算坦白，有用吗？

明明知道，没有如果，没有也许，心里却盼着我所做的可以制造一些不一样。

痴人，痴痴的爱着。

我们深爱着那个他/她，分开后花心思送最后一份礼物。为什么？想说再见，想在他或她心里留下一些什么。

结果是他或她会对你说谢谢。除此以外，没有什么。

哭过，不会好过些；

放下，如何做得到？

没有比失去了才遗憾更加后悔的。

也只有失去，才会发现，爱的是那个人。

没有如果，没有假如，只有在眼前的现实 - 回不去了，他或她心里有别人了。

想告诉自己说：你做得到，可以过的更好。宁可缺，不可滥。爱情，不必急着找，他在适当的时候会出现的。如果是属于你的，幸福不会离你很远。

要记得，爱自己多一些，别人才会更爱你一些。连自己都不爱护自己，凭什么爱别人，要求别人爱自己更多一些。

我知道我会后悔放弃这段感情，那个他。我只想他遇见的那个她，不会愧对他对她的爱。

就好像我写给你的：如果那是你的幸福，你的快乐，我会祝福你的。

还是要说：我爱你。希望你幸福。

每一篇写的也许大同小异。只因为我还放不下。同样的事情，惦记一遍又一遍重复出现。心里最希望和期待的依然是你还有我在你心里，有一天会回来的。你不是我值得拥有的，可是是我想要的。也许我这辈子就这样了。

很对话想对你说，可是每次写出来后就默默擦掉。为了不造成你的困扰，让你更厌烦我。还是那句老话，我还想要跟你在一起，就算不值得，不适合，我还是会努力的。拥抱，变成不可能的事。