领悟

20 September 2015

没想到竟然有那么一套电影，一个场景演的那么相似。一语言中，一针见血。

她问到：为什么我们在一起那么久了，现在才发生这样的事呢？我到底做错了什么？你几时开始不爱我了？

“我没有不爱你，我很爱你。不然你以为这么多年了我为什么还跟你在一起。” “是我一直活在你的计划里，你把一切都想好，打点好，不容你的计划有一点失误。无论发生什么事都好，都阻止不了。”“我很难受，压力很大。你却说我不上进。你知道我有多难过吗？”

“可是你从来不告诉我啊。你让我知道，我可以改嘛。很多事情我都可以不做，我只想要跟你在一起。”

“我其实早就想跟你坦白了，可是我怕你很难过，没有办法接受，所以一直拖着不知道要如何跟你开口。对不起。”

“我真的只想要和你一直在一起。我可以改，我会改。我只想要跟你在一起。”

他只说：“太迟了。”

她似乎听懂了，哭着。他心疼，就把她抱在怀里安慰说：“你会找到属于你的幸福的。”

我也似乎明白了。我和他分开并不是我们不相爱，而是很多决定和事情太迟看清和明白。信任也渐渐消失。当全部总和，就是近年来我们所面对的一切。已经不是对与错，爱与不爱。只是时间点，做的决定影响太大，已经无法收拾。

也许我们都还没准备好。过去就当着为我们的以后做的准备吧。虽然未来你我的生活都没有了彼此，至少我们都活在对方的过去，你还是会在我的心里守护者我们的回忆。

爱你，不悔。后悔的是我自己冲动，不成熟，没有考虑前先后果而错失很多。会长大的，会为自己而活。你也要加油，好好爱她。我也相信你会幸福的。你值得一个人以你待她的方式对待你。

Madness

4 September 2015

I thought I'm doing great all this while. Who knows you did even better. All those been dreaming of is happening, but is not happen on me.

Owning car, own a home belong to us, get married and have our own family. All this we been planing, talking, sharing and thinking about it, all the time. Even we name our kids. Is it me stopping or holding back all this while that's why is not happening? Only happen when we not together.

What can I say now? I let go the chance can be with you again, selfish and arrogant. I just can't face the truth of I giving up once upon and seeing what I wanted is happening.

I can see the importance of being with some one in time. Although for once I worked so hard for my future, every step I took think twice, or even more. But see what it lead me to with one mistake. I have to start all over again and his life go on with my past hard work.

Is that really that's call life? There just won't happen as you wish. I'm tired building up some thing for others to live comfortably. When can I have some one do that to me too? What I did wrong? Some thing simple but become so complicated.

Am I love you still? or I just can't get over the one wrong step that I took?
I should have look back to my initial simple reason why I choose to be with you at the beginning. Now, my only choice is to live on with the regrets and mistakes. I don't know what I can do better to serve the karma. You have done all the great things, that's why you can have all the great result now. I only know do bad things, so I have to serve the karma.

What's goes around comes around. I used to believe it. When I don't, this is what cause me today.
No shortcut. Remember. That's some thing you can't afford to pay.