Madness

4 September 2015

I thought I'm doing great all this while. Who knows you did even better. All those been dreaming of is happening, but is not happen on me.

Owning car, own a home belong to us, get married and have our own family. All this we been planing, talking, sharing and thinking about it, all the time. Even we name our kids. Is it me stopping or holding back all this while that's why is not happening? Only happen when we not together.

What can I say now? I let go the chance can be with you again, selfish and arrogant. I just can't face the truth of I giving up once upon and seeing what I wanted is happening.

I can see the importance of being with some one in time. Although for once I worked so hard for my future, every step I took think twice, or even more. But see what it lead me to with one mistake. I have to start all over again and his life go on with my past hard work.

Is that really that's call life? There just won't happen as you wish. I'm tired building up some thing for others to live comfortably. When can I have some one do that to me too? What I did wrong? Some thing simple but become so complicated.

Am I love you still? or I just can't get over the one wrong step that I took?
I should have look back to my initial simple reason why I choose to be with you at the beginning. Now, my only choice is to live on with the regrets and mistakes. I don't know what I can do better to serve the karma. You have done all the great things, that's why you can have all the great result now. I only know do bad things, so I have to serve the karma.

What's goes around comes around. I used to believe it. When I don't, this is what cause me today.
No shortcut. Remember. That's some thing you can't afford to pay.