Throwback Love Life - 72

18 March 2015

The very first night you won't be home. I have to admit I gone crazy. I can't sleep and keep thinking so much. Then I send you the msg below.

"I guess u with her tonight. That's impossible u stay offline for so long. I can't talk to u that number, then I talk to this my own imagination you bah. You guys might sleeping hugging each other by now. I'm jealous. But I can't do any thing. Should slap my self n say deal with it idiot. He not with u any more, he don't have heart for u any more. I can't sleep, without u."

I stay awake till 4am, decided to drive to your hotel to see if you were there. I can't get your by searching iPhone, one of the reason I went. After saw your car were in the car park, my heart still pumping and wondering how you doing. I hold my self back to keep calling you, drive my self home. I only able to sleep for a while then 6am I'm wide awake. Till time to go work.

Throughout the day, countless time I told pei wen how much I miss you, how badly I wan to be with you. She is the one I can express my feelings to and won't look down at me and support me all the way. Almost end of the day I can hold back any more, decided to sent this to your the other number.

" I miss you, I love you. I will never have u back and got u hug me in your arms again. Love you in a different way. Feel so relief when I know can love one person with all my heart and he still will be happy walking on different path without me. "

I learnt to stop thinking about u n her, instead open my self to still loving you, to miss you and every think about you. That's make me feel better instead keeping all the real feeling aside. You know, when you have so much love for the other person is such a happiness and although u can't be with that person or not reachable, at least I'm honest to my self and being my self again.

Is hard to let go and seeing a fact that don't have any chances to be together again or be in your arms again. But I will learn to be one. Just like what u say before, I will be there for you no matter how, either be a friend or lover in the best scenario.

I would say I love you with all my heart, in a different way with current situation. Be strong and believe you self, I know you can do better than me. I always do.

From, your princess for once.